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How to End Your Weight Loss Struggle

by - NASM CPT  ·  30 Comments

A lot of people are struggling to lose weight. They think “if I could just lose these 20/50/100 pounds my struggle would be over”.

No – it won’t.

Your weight loss struggle has very little to do with weight loss.

What?!?

That’s right – losing weight doesn’t automatically end your struggle. That’s because your struggle isn’t a weight loss issue – it’s a psychological one.

The Struggle Isn’t Measured In Pounds You Need to Lose

Which of the following people is struggling the most:

Person 1: Needs to lose 100 pounds

Person 2: Needs to lose 50 pounds

Person 3: Needs to lose 10 pounds

Person 4: Doesn’t have any weight to lose at all

It’s a bit of a trick question because we really don’t know who is struggling the most. We don’t know what’s going on in their heads, which is where the real struggle takes place.

There are people who are 200lbs who love their bodies and are full of confidence and radiate happiness. They are peace with who they are.

And then there are people who are at 6% body fat who stare in the mirror day after day and find every possible imperfection that no one else even notices. Their struggle is as real and debilitating as anyone else’s.

We can’t just look at someone and know what they’re going through. The struggle isn’t measured externally in pounds you need to lose. It’s an internal struggle.

I spent a great deal of my life hiding in my own clothes. Most people would have loved to have my physique. But I was the one guy who hated it.

I stayed inside. I avoided friends. I didn’t go on beach vacations or hang by the pool even though I love those things.

There was even a time I purposely got a sunburn so that I had an excuse to keep my shirt on the next day at a pool party.

In my head I had a conflict – how I thought I should look didn’t match up with what I actually looked like.

How to End Your Weight Loss Struggle

What you think is a weight loss struggle is actually a psychological struggle that expresses itself through particular eating and exercise behaviors. To end it you need to treat the cause – not the effect. You need a shift in mindset and perspective. You need to take the focus off of weight loss.

First love and accept yourself unconditionally as you are right now at this very moment. Because if you don’t love and accept yourself, how do you expect others to love and accept you?

Let go of your perfectionist thinking. You aren’t perfect and never will be. People will love and accept you anyways.

Start measuring your self worth in ways that don’t involve the scale. Focus on your strengths. Reframe weaknesses as opportunities for personal growth. Don’t let them define you.

When you get your mindset into a healthy place you subconsciously create better eating and exercise habits. These habits align with your thoughts and your struggle ends.

The side effect is weight loss, but at that point you really don’t care. You were already at peace with yourself. Weight loss is just the cherry on top.

Focus On How Your Actions Make You Feel

Most of us eat a certain way or follow a particular workout because we’re trying to lose weight. We’re trying to control the outcome.

But the outcome isn’t always in our control. And when you try to control something that isn’t easily controlled, you create internal struggle.

Instead, be process oriented and focus on the instant gratification you get from eating whole foods and moving your body.

Focus on how good a healthy meal makes you feel. Focus on how exercise relieves your stress and anxiety.

This is the key to a lifetime of motivation. This mind/body connection is what will drive you to make good choices for the rest of your life.

When you do that, you lose weight.

When you do that and work on your perfectionist attitude, your black and white thinking, your need to control everything – you transform your self.

Weight loss is a surface level issue. We want transformation. And transformation starts in your mind.

Start working on yours.

30 Comments

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  2. Beautiful article Tony. It was a great perspective on what many people are going through, including myself.

  3. Couldn’t agree more. I struggled alot until I started making my health a priority. Almost overnight I started being more at peace with my choices.

    • Thanks for sharing Amanda. I think priorities evolve as time progresses. 15-20 years ago all I cared about was my body. Then I was focused on strength. Now I’m just focused on being fit, healthy, and happy both in body and mind (that last one is my written daily affirmation).

  4. Thanks for sharing your story Tony. It’s nice to see these internet “gurus” show their human side. Just goes to show you that we’re all struggling with something in life. The more we can see that it’s normal the less we have to pretend it’s not.

    • Thanks Corey. I wouldn’t ever call myself a “guru”, but I know what you mean. Most of us, gurus or not, tend to portray only our good side on the internet. It makes people forget that we’re all human and all have unique struggles.

  5. I’ve struggled with my weight for what seems like forever. I’m finally at my goal but the urges to eat, eat, eat are getting stronger, stronger, stronger. Your words reenforce my power to succeed. Thanks for that:)

  6. I know a guy at the gym who is a 6 pack. He constantly is wanting to get better and is constantly looking at himself in the mirror. At the same time he has a habit of poking fun at me and weight and also my age. It really gets to me some times and I tell him. This time I wrote him an email and now there is tension between us …

    • Way to stand up for yourself, Ravi. When people act like that it’s a reflection of their own insecurities. Hang in there!

  7. Love this post. I struggle with this myself and when I was super lean it still wasn’t good enough. It’s exhausting. I’m trying to focus on health instead of outward appearance but it is difficult. Thanks for writing this.

    • Thanks for sharing your experience, Shana. Goes to show you that the struggle isn’t external and you can have a great body but still be in pain.

  8. WOW! Awesome article! Yes, changing the perspective of your thinking is the key! Luv urself no matter the size! Again awesome article! God bless!

  9. Tony, this article moved me to tears. I struggle with understanding how I can love my body when I need to lose 100 pounds to get back to my “normal” size. This is not an attractive body, it’s one of weakness and countless issues, which continues to be a constant reminder of my size and poor health. I’d love to love myself and especially my body, I just don’t know how when the external image I see in the mirror is disgusting to me. How do you even start? Do you avoid mirrors or looking at yourself, avoid the scale, and focus on feeling good after a healthier meal, or a walk (even if I can only last 10 minutes)?

    • Hi Diana, that’s a really good question. The way I coach it in Get Fit For Life is to have people start being mindful of their strengths. Start journaling every day and identifying something you like about yourself, either a physical attribute or personality trait.

      The goal is to stop focusing so much on your imperfections, however big you might think they are. Then when you start treating yourself better you start making better choices.

      Also, remember not to get discouraged at the speed of your progress. Learning to love yourself again is a habit that will take time and there will be difficult moments. But keep working on it and I guarantee your attitude will improve. Good luck!

  10. It is always a delight to read your posts.

    Yes weight loss has to do a lot with psychology. I can share what I have experienced in my life. I have around 15 pounds to lose, it keeps going up and down for last 7 years(which includes me giving birth to my lovely daughter). I would say I am fairly fit(I am able to do some of the beachbody advanced workouts with modifications thrown in), but sometime back exercising and eating right became very very tough for me! There were times I used to dread workout and sometimes when pushing myself harder used to start crying, not because my body couldn’t take the stress, but because I was making it a emotional torture for myself. While exercising or saying no to unhealthy food choices, I used to repeat, ‘What’s the use, you will never be 120 pounds!!!’).

    One day I realized me instead of my first line cheer-leader I was my worst critic(full of negativity); if I wont help myself who would. I started working on habits like, when offered a donuts in office, thinking or saying aloud, ‘I CAN but I do not WANT to’. I started exercising to break sweat or just to develop that 30 minute exercise habit(and of course after workout feeling). I cannot tell you how liberating it is; I feel so much better. Its not all good, I have days when I feel bad about my progress, but then negative self talk is the most ‘unhealthy’ thing you can do. Again, as they show in movies may be it works for some people, but I have evaluated myself on it and have decided to be my front line cheerleader and I am so proud of it.

    • Love your story, Rashmi. Thanks for sharing it. You made a lot of great points, especially “if I wont help myself who would.”

      And yes, it is liberating to let go of trying to control weight loss and just focusing on enjoying the healthy foods you eat and moving your body. That’s when transformation happens.

  12. I don’t want to lose much weight. I exercise with moderate to high intensity everyday. I eat relatively well, but I still have more body fat than I want. I live an active and healthy lifestyle; I am strong and have great endurance, but I am a 47 year old female and I have always had issues with my belly/abs. I have never had close to a 6 pack and it is very frustrating to not have the body I want for as hard as I work.

    • Your frustration is understandable, Lisa. In the spirit of the article I would say first you need to accept yourself as you are right now. Answer: if you never lost another pound would you be happy?

      If the answer is “no” then you still have work to do on your mindset. If the answer is “yes” then it’s time to assess your eating and exercise. I don’t know the details of your eating, but make sure you aren’t depriving yourself of food. Undereating is the #1 thing I see with clients.

      And second, you say you exercise with moderate to high intensity every day. This is a bit of a red flag to me. There needs to be balance between pushing your body and recovery. Don’t neglect the recovery.

      Too many times I’ve seen weight loss stall due to overtraining, too much stress, and not enough sleep. These things are essential to creating the right environment in your body for weight loss.

      Good luck!

  13. This is one of the best articles I have read in a long time. Thank you so much for it! I also love the way you have taken the time to reply to every single comment, and especially the excellent answers you have given to people. So worthwhile and appreciated.

  14. I have followed you for a while now but have never commented! This time I had to. I have finally lost a lot of my excess weight after many years of denial and struggle. A year on, I now need to change my focus to being healthy not just looking at the numbers on the scale. Your article came at the perfect time – thank you so much.

    • Glad you came out of hiding Viv. 😉

      Congrats on the weight loss and good luck with the mindset shift!

  15. Great job Tony! This has got to be my most favorite post you’ve done. Why you ask? Because it really is the root of all issues with being overweight. It really really is. You’ve certainly hit it straight on. The psychological struggles is what we all struggle with. Until that is settled, the weight will be forever a monkey on our backs. I think the first step of accepting ourselves, is the hardest. I’m working on that part as well….I hope at some point, I can do it too. Thanks again Tony, you’re the best, most honest, most knowledgeable coach ever!!! Keep up the great work….I know you’re making a difference.